Adventures for Nerds

How Do You Want To Feel?

Oct 11, 2017 | Information

How Do You Want To Feel?

It’s that time of year when we are inundated with the topic of setting goals, which means we have to remember the goals we set last year. I have a hard time remembering exactly what my goals were much less if I achieved them. I know that there are all kinds of systems out there for goal setting. You may have one you love! That’s fantastic!

I have yet to find one that works for me.

When I think of goals, I get very stressed. I feel bad about myself, like I’m a loser, because I’ve made so many goals and not made them. It seems like I can make a goal and then get very close to being committed to it and then I forget about it or life gets in the way or it stops being feasible for me somehow. Can you relate to this?

One of the things that I first realized when I had my break through about 4 years ago was that I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. When I was asked to make a goal or visualize what I wanted I would get desperately sad and fearful. Was it all over because I cannot see a happy future?

Then I stumbled across Danielle Laporte’s work*. What she asked was “How do you want to feel?”

That I could do.

Actually, I started with I know what I didn’t want to feel. Once I purged all that out, I started to touch what I did want to feel. It took some time. but it gave me hope.

So that’s what I want to start with today.

How do you want to feel?

Get as specific as you can.

Do you want to feel like you’re making a difference? Like you are loved? Like you are funny and accepted? A big one that I discovered for me was ‘cherished’. I want to feel cherished. It’s different than ‘loved’ for me. And I want to cherish others. That word really works for me. This is key: Find the words that really energize you.

It can take some time finding the right words. Danielle has a book called The Desire Map. It’s a wonderful tool for working through thoughts, ideas and concepts to come up with the right words for right now. We change what we want and need over time, right? So it makes sense that our core desired feelings will change as well. I take heart in that. It makes me feel like I am progressing, growing, becoming the woman I want to be.

So as we end this year and look towards the beginning of a new one and all those freaking articles about setting goals, maybe take a break and really just look at how you want to feel.

One of the things I like to do in meditation is to visualize myself really feeling how I want to feel. What does that look like? Am I celebrating? Am I smiling and excited and supremely happy? Or am I content and cozy and loved and loving? I’m sure you get the idea. Picture yourself in ideal situations enjoying the heck out of it.

You don’t have to know how it happens. You don’t even have to know exactly what you’re doing if that’s a stretch for you. Just see yourself feeling how you want to feel. That’s all, the rest will come.

Try to do this at least once a day. A great time could be first thing in the morning before you actually get out of bed. Say ‘thank you’ in your mind for the day and to be alive and breathing, something of gratitude, and then picture yourself feeling the way you really want to feel. Something completely awesome. Don’t even worry about circumstances, hows, what, where. Any of that. Just see your smiling, happy, joyful self celebrating something.

You could also do this at night before you go to bed. say something else to yourself that you’re grateful for even if you’re just grateful for being able to breathe or being able to go to bed and end the day, and then see your smiling face just being so completely content and happy and secure.

I promise you, if you can do this for a little while consistently it will change everything. Stuff will start to shift and you’re going to start to have ideas on what to do to make your life go in the direction of how you want to feel.

Then at some point, you’re going to notice that you did feel that way today. Be sure to send thanks out to the ethers for that feeling. Celebrate that you did feel it! What we focus on, comes to us. So if you are focusing on feeling completely awesome, feeling awesome circumstances will start coming your way. If you are only focusing on all the drama and sadness and fear in your life. Then that’s what you will be noticing all the time. And who needs that crap?

It takes some retraining to start focusing on the positive. It’s super easy to be all traumatic and bitter and uber cool emo. It takes guts in this world to look for how to make things better for yourself and others and really celebrate in the face of challenges. I know you have it in you to be that strong and positive person. All you have to do is really want to be that person.

Take it from one who really thought it was over. All I could do was crawl around (I couldn’t even walk, I was so broken). But I started being willing to figure out how I wanted to feel. And that started to change everything.

I know you can do it.

I’m celebrating you already!

#loveyoumeanit

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

Find words that have an emotional punch for you. Loved,Adored and Cherished might mean the same thing but have a different feeling to them. What words have a good zing for you?

Some words to get you started:

Connected. Valued. Beautiful. Loved. Appreciated. Energized. Joyful. Whole. Peaceful. Abundant. Empowered,Secure. Alive. Exuberance. Deeply connected. Safe. Adored. Beautiful. Generous. Effervescent. Free. Nourished. Creative. Invigorated. Radiant. Light. Influential. Aligned. Nimble, Valuable, Fabulous, Intimate, True. Rich. Fearless. Free. Healthy. Fit. Adventure. Joy. Freedom. Meaningful.

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